Then ran toward the car.
My husband was already beyond help.
But Josie was still awake.
Daniel stayed beside her.
He told her an ambulance was coming.
But in the letter, he wrote that he believed she knew she wasn’t going to survive.
She had been holding Mr. Bunny.
Right before the end, she gave the rabbit to him.
And told him,
“Make sure Mr. Bunny gets home to my mommy.”
Daniel promised he would.
I read that sentence again.
And again.
I could barely see the page.
He wrote that he came to the funeral planning to return the rabbit.
But when he saw me standing beside the caskets, he couldn’t do it.
He convinced himself he would wait.
Until I was less broken.
Until there was a better moment.
But time passed.
Then, years later, I walked into his hospital room.
At first, Daniel hadn’t recognized me.
Then he heard my name.
He heard me speak about my husband.
About Josie.
And he realized exactly who I was.
He knew.
All that time.
He knew who I was.
He knew what Mr. Bunny meant.
And still, he said nothing.
Daniel wrote that he kept waiting for the perfect moment to tell me.
His illness made sure that moment never came.
So he hid the box.
Then told Lily to wait until one year after his death before giving it to me.
He wanted us to have time to become a family first.
The final line said:
I’m sorry I failed your daughter’s promise.
I folded the letter carefully.
Then my grief changed.
It became anger.
Daniel had known.
He had watched me braid Lily’s hair.
Listened while I talked about Josie.
Asked me to marry him.
And all the while, Mr. Bunny had been hidden somewhere in his house.
He died without telling me.
Worse, he had placed the responsibility on Lily.
An innocent child.
The one person in the world I could never allow my anger to touch.
Coward.
That was the word that entered my mind.
Coward.
There were questions I would never get to ask him.
Was Josie frightened?
Did she ask for me?
What were her last moments really like?
Daniel was gone.
There would be no confrontation.
No explanation.
No apology I could refuse.
Only a stuffed rabbit that no longer smelled like the little girl who once carried it everywhere.
Then Lily spoke.
“Are you mad at Dad?”
Her voice was tiny.
She sat on the kitchen floor with her knees against her chest.
I wanted to protect her.
But I couldn’t lie.
“Yes.”
Her chin trembled.
“But none of this is your fault. Not even a little bit.”
She looked down.
Then asked the question that broke me.
“Are you going to leave me?”
Everything inside me stopped.
Of course.
She had already lost her mother.
Then her father.
Now she had delivered something that made the last parent she had scream and cry.
She thought she was about to lose me too.
“No.”
I dropped to the floor.
“No, Lily. Come here.”
She climbed into my lap and grabbed my shirt with both hands.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I repeated it until her breathing slowed.
But one sentence kept replaying in my mind.
You still don’t know why Dad chose you.
And slowly, an ugly thought formed.
Maybe now I did understand.
Daniel had witnessed what happened to Josie.
He knew I had lost a child.
Maybe he had looked at me and thought:
There.
A mother without a daughter.