According to the signed addendum, the chair was Denise’s property.
Tessa had unilaterally decided that contract law did not apply to items possessing spiritual auras.
The chair was jammed sideways in the standard doorframe.
Ron was trapped behind it in the foyer.
Tessa was yanking from the porch.
Neither could move an inch.
“Pivot it!” Tessa screamed.
“I am pivoting!” Ron bellowed, his face the color of a bruised plum.
“There is no more pivot to give!”
I stood on the concrete walkway.
Melissa covered her mouth.
Denise watched with wide, fascinated eyes.
“This,” I announced to the women, “is the most compelling argument for purchasing fully furnished real estate I have ever witnessed.”
“Ian! Stop standing there and help me!” Tessa screeched.
“I cannot aid and abet grand larceny,” I replied.
“That chair belongs to Denise.”
Denise raised a polite hand.
“For the record, I don’t actually want the chair.
It smells faintly of dust and hostility.”
“Perfect!” Tessa yelled, giving a massive heave.
“However,” Denise continued,
a wicked glint in her eye, “after experiencing this dynamic, I feel a deep moral obligation to keep it on principle alone.”
I nearly hugged her.
Ron finally dug his heels into the hardwood and gave a monumental shove.
The chair scraped forward six inches.
Then, the rusted mechanical lever on the side hooked violently onto the metal strike plate of the doorframe.
With a sound like a gunshot, the spring-loaded footrest exploded open.
The kinetic force launched Ron backward into the foyer, where he collapsed into a pile of decorative throw pillows.
The recoil sent Tessa tumbling backward off the threshold and onto the damp lawn.
The burgundy recliner remained wedged perfectly upright in the doorframe, the extended footrest jutting out like a drawbridge.
It looked as though an invading army had successfully established a beachhead and refused to yield.
No one was physically injured.
Tessa’s dignity was obliterated, but thankfully, that was a phantom asset to begin with.
She slowly stood up, brushing wet grass from her yoga panTS. She looked around the empty porch for a place to collect herself.
