“I’m taking my sick day, Ethan,” I said, my voice completely smooth and devoid of anger. “In fact, I’m taking two whole weeks of sick leave.”
Ethan stared at me, his mouth opening and closing. “What are you talking about?! You can’t take a sick leave! Who’s going to watch Oliver and Lucas?!”
“You are,” I replied, holding up my phone. “Since taking care of two five-month-old twins is ‘doing nothing all day,’ I figured it would be an absolute breeze for a hardworking man like you. My mom booked us a lovely two-week retreat at a medical recovery spa two hours away. I’ll be receiving physical therapy for my broken arm, resting, and getting eight full hours of sleep every night.”
“NO! HOW DARE YOU?!” Ethan roared, his face flushing crimson. “I have work tomorrow! I have a big presentation on Friday! You can’t just leave me alone with two babies!”
“Moms don’t get sick days, remember?” I quoted, stepping toward the door while my mother picked up my rolling bag. “So technically, I’m not on a sick day—I’m on strike. And since you made it crystal clear that parenting isn’t ‘your problem,’ I hired a local night-nanny to assist you… except I used your personal credit card for the retainer deposit, and she only works three hours a night.”
Ethan sprinted toward the living room, where both Oliver and Lucas suddenly started crying in unison from their playpen, demanding their evening bottles.
“Clara, stop!” Ethan pleaded, panic lacing his voice as he realized the sheer magnitude of what was happening. “I can’t feed them both at the same time! They need their diapers changed! I don’t know how the bottle warmer works!”
“Well, sweetheart,” I said, echoing his exact words from three nights ago with a sweet smile, “you’re the one who wanted kids. So you take care of them. That’s not my problem.”
Before he could scream another word, my mother and I stepped out the front door, pulled it shut, and locked it from the outside.
As we walked down the driveway toward my mother’s car, I could hear Ethan inside frantically trying to hush two screaming infants while searching for a formula tub he had never once touched in five months.