I called Claire to tell her how excited Mia was.
Claire got quiet on the phone, and then she said, “Oh, that makes me so happy I could cry. You know what? I’m going to do something special for her. I don’t know what yet. But that little girl is going to feel like a queen at my wedding, I promise you.”
I didn’t know then what she meant. I found out at the wedding.
I wish to God she’d never had the idea. And at the same time — I’m getting ahead of myself.
We found the dress at a little shop downtown. It was a soft lavender, Mia’s favorite color, with a full skirt that draped down over her lap and legs and a little sparkle at the collar. When she saw herself in the mirror in that dress, sitting in her chair, she went very still.
And then, quietly, she said, “I look nice.”
Not “I look broken.” Not “everyone’s going to stare.”
“I look nice.”
I turned away so she wouldn’t see me crying. First time in a long time it was the good kind.
I need to tell you about my sister Donna now, because she’s the villain of this story and I won’t pretend otherwise, though I’ll try to be fair.
Donna is my older sister. Two years older. And Donna has always, her whole life, believed she got a raw deal. That the world owed her something it kept forgetting to pay.
Some of that came from real places. Our parents weren’t easy, and Donna caught the worst of it, being the first. I’ve tried to remember that over the years, on the days she’s made it hard to love her. But somewhere along the line, Donna’s hurt turned into something else. It turned into a kind of hunger. A need to be the center of every room, to win every contest, to make sure that whatever good thing was happening, it was happening to her.
Weddings were the worst for her. Because Donna was forty-four and had never married, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. There’d been a string of men over the years, and every one of them had ended the same way — with Donna calling me at midnight, furious and heartbroken, explaining how it was all his fault, how she’d been wronged again, how she just couldn’t understand why these things kept happening to her.
She never once wondered if the common thread might be her. That kind of wondering wasn’t in Donna’s makeup.
And somewhere in there, she’d developed this strange, almost superstitious fixation. She’d gotten it in her head that the reason she’d never married — the actual reason — was that she had never, not once, caught a bridal bouquet. She talked about it like it was a curse. Like all those other women who’d caught bouquets over the years had stolen her luck, her turn, her happiness, right out of the air in front of her.
At the last family wedding, two years before Mia’s accident, Donna had physically shoved a bridesmaid to get at the bouquet and still missed it, and then sulked at her table for the rest of the night. It had been embarrassing. My mother, before she passed, used to say Donna would trample a nun to catch a bunch of flowers.
I tell you all this so you understand what happened. So you understand that when Donna did what she did, it wasn’t out of nowhere. It came from a lifetime of a woman who could not, would not, ever let anyone else have the thing she wanted.
Even a ten-year-old girl in a wheelchair.
The wedding was at a big hall out past the edge of town, a nice place with a garden and a ballroom with chandeliers. It was a beautiful day. Late spring, warm, everything in bloom.
Mia was beside herself with excitement. She’d been up since dawn. I did her hair in soft curls and let her wear a little of my lip gloss, and she kept checking herself in every reflective surface we passed, patting her curls, smoothing her lavender skirt.
“Do I look okay?”
“You look beautiful, baby.”
“Like really okay?”
“Like the most beautiful girl at the whole wedding.”
She smiled, and for a second she looked exactly like she used to. Exactly.
The ceremony was lovely. Claire was radiant — one of those brides who actually glows, who can’t stop smiling the whole way down the aisle. And she’d made sure there was a good spot for Mia’s chair, right up close, on the end of a row where she could see everything.
At one point during her vows, Claire caught Mia’s eye across the room and gave her a little wink. And Mia beamed back like she’d been handed the sun.
The reception is where it happened.
Dinner, toasts, the first dance. Claire and her new husband floating around the floor. Mia clapped for everything. She ate her cake — two pieces, I kept my promise — and she watched the dancing with this hungry, happy look, tapping her hands on the arms of her chair in time with the music.
And then the DJ’s voice came over the speakers.
“All right, all the single ladies! It’s time! Come on down to the dance floor. The bride’s got a bouquet to throw!”
There was the usual laughing and shuffling as women got up from their tables. A gaggle of them gathered in the middle of the floor — Claire’s friends, some cousins, a few of the younger women.
And Claire, standing there with her bouquet, looked over at our table. Right at Mia.
“Come on, Mia!” she called out, laughing. “You too, sweetheart! Get in there!”
Mia froze. She looked at me, eyes wide. “Me?”
“Go on,” I said. “You heard her.”
I could see Mia’s whole body fill up with a shy, thrilled kind of joy. I wheeled her out onto the edge of the dance floor, and the other women — bless them, every one of them — made room. They shuffled aside and pulled Mia’s chair right into the middle of the group, patting her shoulders, one of them fixing a curl that had come loose, everyone smiling down at her. For a moment, my daughter was not the broken girl in the corner. She was one of the girls. She was in the circle. She belonged.
I saw Claire look back over her shoulder, checking her aim. And I understood then what her special surprise was. She wasn’t going to leave it to chance. She was going to put that bouquet right in my daughter’s lap.
Claire turned around so her back was to the crowd. She lifted the bouquet. She gave it a little test-bounce in her hands.
And then, gently — so gently, not a real throw at all, just a soft toss up and back over her shoulder — she sent the bouquet arcing through the air.
I watched it turn, slow, the white roses and the trailing satin ribbon, up and over.
And it came down, soft as a landing bird, right into Mia’s lap.
Right into her lap.
The room made that sound a room makes — that “awww,” that collective breath, that sweetness. Mia looked down at the flowers in her lap and her whole face — I have never seen anything like it, before or since — her whole face broke open with pure, undiluted joy. Her mouth fell open. Her hands came up. She looked up at me, and she looked up at Claire, and she was laughing, this delighted, disbelieving laugh, and she reached down for the satin ribbon—
And Donna hit her like a linebacker.
I didn’t even see her coming. She lunged out of the crowd from the side, and she grabbed the bouquet out of my daughter’s lap, and her hip caught the arm of the wheelchair so hard that the whole chair rocked up onto one wheel.
Mia tipped. She tipped sideways, a small cry catching in her throat, her hands flying out to grab something that wasn’t there.
I got the handles. I don’t know how. I was three feet away and somehow I had my hands on the handles and I hauled the chair back down onto four wheels before my daughter hit the floor. She jolted against the seat. Her curls bounced. And she sat there, breathing hard, staring at the empty space in her lap where the flowers had been one second ago.
And Donna stood in the middle of that dance floor and raised the bouquet over her head with both hands like she’d won an Olympic medal.
“Looks like I won!” she crowed.
The music was still playing but nobody was dancing. Nobody was making a sound. The whole room had gone dead silent except for that awful tinny beat still coming out of the speakers, and my sister, standing there grinning, holding a bunch of flowers she’d ripped out of a paralyzed child’s hands.
I don’t remember deciding to move. I just found myself in front of her.
“What is wrong with you?” My voice didn’t even sound like mine. “Claire wanted Mia to have those. You knew it. Everybody in this room knew it. What is wrong with you?”
Donna rolled her eyes. Rolled her eyes, with her sister’s whole face burning in front of her.
“Oh, please,” she said, and she said it loud, loud enough for the tables to hear. She actually turned a little so more of the room could hear. “Don’t be so dramatic. Why does she even need a bridal bouquet?”
And then she said the thing.
The thing I will hear in my nightmares until the day I die.
She looked down at my daughter, my Mia, sitting there in her lavender dress with tears starting in her eyes, and she said, loud and clear and cruel: