The nurse smiled gently. “Good. I’m Tamika. Dr. Okafor would like to talk with both of you. It won’t take long.”
“Warren, you don’t have to,” Rachel whispered.
“I know,” I said. “I want to.”
The consultation room was small and beige, with a box of tissues placed on the table in a way that told you exactly what kind of room it was. Dr. Okafor, a calm woman with reading glasses pushed up into her gray-streaked hair, waited until we were both seated.
“Rachel, are you comfortable with Mr. Hayes hearing this?”
Rachel’s fingers twisted in the blanket. After a long moment, she nodded.
“Your scan this morning confirmed what we suspected last week,” Dr. Okafor said. “You have a large fibroid mass pressing on your uterus, along with advanced endometriosis. The bleeding that brought you in today has made you severely anemic. That’s why you’ve been so exhausted and lightheaded.”
“Fibroids,” I repeated. “Is that… cancer?”
“No. It’s benign. But it’s serious, and it’s been growing for a long time.”
A long time.
Something cold slid down my spine. “How long?”
Dr. Okafor looked at Rachel, then back at me. “Based on the size, likely several years. Conditions like this are a common cause of repeated pregnancy loss. I’m sorry to say it may be part of why you two struggled.”
The room went very quiet.
“Years,” I said hoarsely. “She’s been in pain for years?”
“Warren,” Rachel said.
“You told me you were just tired. After the second miscarriage, you said you were just tired.”
“I thought I was,” she whispered. “I thought it was grief.”
Dr. Okafor explained the plan: a surgery in two days, careful recovery, a good prognosis. Rachel would need an iron infusion first, and someone to drive her home and stay with her afterward.
“She’ll need help for at least two weeks,” Dr. Okafor said. “Is there family nearby?”
“My sister lives in Phoenix,” Rachel said. “I haven’t told her yet.”
“Why not?” I asked.
She finally looked at me. Her eyes were red, but steady.
“Because I didn’t want anyone to worry. And because I didn’t want you to find out and come back out of guilt. I’d rather be alone than be someone’s obligation.”
That sentence hit harder than anything else she could have said.
PART 4
I should have gone home that night.
Instead I sat in a vinyl chair beside her hospital bed until visiting hours ended, then called Spencer, who was groggy and sore and thrilled to hear I’d found something more interesting than his hospital Jell-O.
“Go,” he said, once I explained. “Be there. Don’t mess it up.”
I didn’t plan to go back to the apartment. I just drove, and somehow ended up in front of the old building on Maple Street, where the porch light still hadn’t been fixed. Rachel had kept the lease. I had the spare key on my ring, because I’d never taken it off.
Inside, everything was spotless.
The kitchen smelled like lemon cleaner. The couch had a new blanket. On the refrigerator was a neat list in Rachel’s handwriting: iron pills, 8 a.m. Call Dr. O’s office. Sister: tell her after the scan.
She had been managing all of this by herself for weeks.
On the counter sat a stack of unopened mail, and on top of it, a flat white envelope with my name on it. Not a bill. Not a legal notice.
A letter. Dated three weeks earlier.
Warren,
I started this a few times and never sent it. Mostly I wanted to say I’m not angry. I was for a while. But I understand now that we both stopped asking each other how we were, because the answer hurt too much.
I’ve been having bad days lately. Maybe it’s nothing. If it is something, I want you to know I’m okay. I don’t want you to carry any of it.
I hope you’re eating. I hope you’ve got someone telling you to.
Rachel
I sat down on the kitchen floor and read it twice.
She had been sick, she had suspected it, and her first instinct had been to protect me.
I could not remember a time in five years when I had done the same for her.
PART 5
The surgery went well.
I sat in the waiting room for four hours, reading the same page of a magazine, until Dr. Okafor came out with her mask hanging loose around her neck and said, “She did great.”
I put my face in my hands. I didn’t care who saw.
When Rachel woke up, groggy and pale, I was in the chair beside her bed, holding a cup of ice chips.